As a way to get some demos together, I started composing new music for existing movie clips. Two have been posted on YouTube so far:

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011)
Spider-Man 2

Check ‘em out. Share if you like them, and feel free to leave comments on YouTube.

…and nothing was posted during 2011. Nothing.

2011 did not turn out the way I thought it would. Not even close to the way I wanted. I barely wrote a word of anything. I drew near nothing, save for a pinup I’d owed my sister for close to a year (guilt…). My two worlds of personal and creative life collided, ricocheted off each other, and exploded separately. There were casualties on both sides.

The only real survivor was the music. I continued to teach and compose, and positive things came to fruition. PiNdrop Music Design had a great end-of-year sales burst, and we can see a potential for a rapid growth in the near future as long as we keep working at it. Then there was my completion of culinary school, my externship, and my first real employment since 2007, this time as a line cook. I still don’t know what I want to do as a cook. Maybe nothing. I’m not sure I want to be a professional cook. The idea of designing and owning my own restaurant is appealing, but I don’t know if I want to be a proper chef. I love food, and I like to cook, but I’m not sure if I’m passionate about restaurant-style cooking as opposed to home cooking.

As much as I want to return to making comics, as much as I want to finalize my novel, my creative arrows are pointing towards music. Unfortunately, many reasons for this are practical ones, but fortunately many are also artistic and creative reasons. It is what it is. This is where life is taking me right now. Hopefully, I can summon up the energy to write more, whether it be in the form of a blog or another medium. I make no promises, and I have no plans for the first time in a long, long, long time. I have ideas, but no timeline for execution. Right now, I work, I teach, and I write music. We’ll see where 2012 takes me creatively and financially. Right now, as long as I can live comfortably and tell stories in some form or fashion, I should be okay.

Yes, I’ve been away.

2010 has not been the kindest year. Not to say that good things haven’t happened. I started culinary school, we moved into a house, and… I think those were the big points. My wife will kill me if I missed anything major (aside from our anniversary, which happens every year. That’s why they call them “anniversaries”).

The major events of our lives took place in the last quarter of the year, when we moved and I started school. At the same time. It was a major hassle, but we got through it. Unpacking has been slow, as has been the return to storytelling.

I want to finish my novel. I really, really, really want to finish my novel. Technically, it’s done. I’m just in the middle of doing a second pass to make sure I like what’s been written and to enhance and flesh out some ideas that need it. As far as comics, well, my dark mistress still haunts me and it kills me that I have trouble making time to return to the drawing board, especially since I have new story ideas that I want to draw. I don’t even have my drafting table here at the house yet, and if I did I don’t have room to set it up right now, what with all the boxes.

Excuses, right?

Right.

Just the other day, after about a month-and-a-half delay due to the move, I drew a cover for the story I did with David Hopkins, Fighting David Parrot (see under his published works). It felt great to draw again… even though I drew the thing standing up over stacked comic boxes. The best thing? My hand didn’t hurt. Probably because I wasn’t inking, but, regardless, just to draw something intended for show felt really good and I miss the hell out of doing it. The next drawing project I have to cross off my to-do is list a logo for my sister and her family’s side business, which should be fun.

I will refrain from talking about what ideas I have for future comic work, but I will say that I have a couple really good ideas. Once things settle down over here, I plan to slam out a project that I’ve neglected… a project that I have worked on and have a love/hate relationship with. I want it to be the best thing I’ve done so far, but more than anything I just want to be happy with it enough to show it, even if it’s just an online read.

My intent is to go back to doing comics in the morning, albeit this time before school. I have about 6 more months of going to school at 10:15, then it’s 2:00 PM for the summer, then my externship. Mornings are probably the best feasible time for me to do any sort of storytelling. The music-writing will have to wait until evenings and weekends.

I’m probably an idiot for trying to take on so much work for no money. Most of my work is self-imposed: as much as I would love a career writing and drawing comics, I have decided that if I make comics at all it will be for love and not money. Teaching and writing music? That’s where I’m earning my money right now, and it helps that I love my job, even if it’s not lucrative in the slightest (yet).

Culinary school? People keep asking me what I want to do with it, and my answer is still, “I don’t know.” I can’t stop people from asking, but all I know is, right now, I need a job. It’s been difficult to find an office job and if I’ve learned anything it’s that, if I want to be happy, I need to be happy with what I’m doing. That means finding a job that won’t kill me. I love food, and I love cooking; as I go through culinary school, I find that I really love the act of making food. Do I want a career in it? I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to become an executive chef. I don’t know if I want to own a restaurant. I don’t know if I want to be a private chef or a caterer. Right now, getting into that field as a cook in, hopefully, a decent restaurant is my goal because that means I’ll have a job, which will mean I’ll have a steady paycheck. We’ll see what happens from there. This is one of the few times in my life where I have entered a field with no idea what I want out of it.

What I do know is that storytelling (writing and drawing) and music are my passions. Those are my arts. Food is a passion for me, too, and it can be an art for some, but I don’t think it is an art for me. I don’t know if I will express myself through food. I love the science and the cultural impact of food, just as I love those things about storytelling and music, but I know I can express myself through the latter mediums whereas with food it’s not so much a medium of expression for me as it is a craft.

As 2010 comes to a close, the control freak in me just wants certain things to be taken care of, to be done and over with. The guy who wants to be one with the Tao knows that I will just have to go with the flow and act appropriately. That said, once the new year hits, I hope things will start to go uphill, and I know that trek uphill will be influenced by my choices.

Out of sheer curiosity, we watched the American version of Top Gear (“Blind Drift”). It was charmless, humorless, and blandly delivered by the hosts. Two of the three hosts have no personality (the third spoke like a New Yorker, which counts for personality, I guess). It was like watching a generic documentary except boring. It misses the passion, charm, and personal investment of the original British version.

America, stop remaking and start making, you low-standard, uncreative has-been of an arts-and-entertainment-producing country.

When I was a kid I wanted to be, amongst the usual secret-agent-policeman-superhero-president vocations, a comics creator and a composer.

When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a comics creator and a drummer in a rock band (that would lead to a solo career).

As a young adult, I wanted to be a comics creator, a drummer, and a composer.

Right now, I’m mostly a drummer – an instructor and teacher, to be exact – and a composer.

Comics have been more of a hobby of late. I have a few things written and plans to draw get my butt at the drawing table, but with the need for money much of my time has been devoted to teaching and composing since that is what’s been bringing home the bacon. Unfortunately, I have not been consistent enough to even try to earn money making comics. And something as time-consuming as comics needs a special amount of attention, something that is difficult for me to give as I work hard at my current vocation. Comics are and always will be a passion of mine. I’m good at writing and drawing them, and they fill me with a creative joy that no other medium gives me. I will continue to write and draw them, but I will do them because I love them, not because I want money from them. This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t want to make money with my comics should the opportunity arise, but it’s certainly not a motivation for me right now.

I’ve been mostly self-employed since 2007, taking my time as a drummer and a composer to new heights. I co-own PiNdrop Music Design with my friend and partner Noah Clark. I have written scores of percussion and other ensemble music since I started teaching and in the past few years, since starting PiNdrop, have sold several indoor percussion shows and a couple field shows. I’m teaching at a couple different high schools. I have several private students. I’ve been working hard to make sure I build on my progress.

Being self-employed is extremely rewarding. My hopes for the future? To sell a lot more music and to get hired onto a drum corps battery staff, the place which I am from.

But I also know that I’m broke, and that being self-employed is taking a toll on my personal finances, the joint finances with my wife, and our home and comfort. I contribute money, but not as much as I would like. I have applied for jobs with no results. I have interpreted my situation as the universe telling me to continue to work hard and stay the course, as good things will come. And I believe they will.

However, the impatient side of me is finding another interpretation of the universe’s message: “Perhaps it’s time to find a whole new vocation. You know what I’m talking about, kiddo…”

Culinary school has been a fantasy of mine for years. Which is weird. I’ve worked in fast food and hated it (yes, I know it’s not the same, but when you’re covered in grease and immersed in heat, who cares?). I’m obsessive-compulsive, and I’ve read and heard about what kinds of things go on in a professional kitchen. So why culinary school would even be on my list of fantasies is a good question.

But the answer is simple: I love food.

I don’t really have a particular moment I can pinpoint that shows me suddenly realizing that I love cooking, or a moment before a plate of food that turned my taste buds’ world upside down. All I know is I love to eat, and I love to eat delicious food. Though cooking can be a chore, especially when I’m tired, I know that I love it; I know that when I’m in the kitchen prepping the food and putting everything together, it’s fun and I love doing it. As a bonus, I love it when the food turns out to be good and finding out that other people enjoy it.

I don’t plan on attending in the near, near future, but I have considered it for the near future. I don’t want to give up on my current business venture, and the decision to attend an expensive culinary school is a big decision, but I do know this: at least with a culinary education, I give myself greater potential to earn a steady income. Unfortunately, music, however much I love it and no matter how good I am at it, is not the world’s best money-maker. That is the reality of my current vocation, the one half of my dream career(s).

Food, on the other hand, is a more promising money-maker. I don’t expect to become a celebrity chef, or even to be the head chef anywhere – sure, both would be nice, but I certainly don’t expect it – but a consistent, low-paying job doing something I love would be great. And even if I find that a professional kitchen isn’t the right place for me, at least a culinary education will help me to cook better and eat better.

I’ve been doing the research but I’m not going to make the decision to enroll right now. I’m sticking to my guns and seeing where this teaching and composition thing takes me. Hopefully I’ll get to where I want to go.

If not, at least I can take pride in knowing that I’ve passed on my knowledge to drummers that want to learn and I’ve written some music that has been both sold and performed.